we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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