The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
