Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
