I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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