I'm jealous of your bromance
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
