What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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