You made me cry and you don't even care
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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