very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I will be naked everywhere
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
