Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
