google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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