Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
