It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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