If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
