"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
