Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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