At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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