Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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