don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
