this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
