So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
