drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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