Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
