ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
