No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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