....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
