hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
