He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
