im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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