i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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