remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
