I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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