Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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