And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
