my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
