If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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