She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
