she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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