i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
