New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's official drugs can't kill me
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
