do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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