guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
