I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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