Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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