I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
