Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
