im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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