forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
