i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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