WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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