So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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